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And the Oscar goes to ....

9/18/2013

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If I had to rate the various skills I have what would I consider the most important excluding domain knowledge. I think one skill that would come close to the top is being character acting. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I have sat in my office awaiting a tough meeting thinking how would Meryl do this. Now truth is I don’t know if it ever made a difference in how others saw me, but it did make a difference in how I entered various work situations, from giving presentations to interviewing to dealing with difficult negotiations. So yes, Meryl is my go to role-model for when I’m figuring out how to get through a tough situation. I thought it was my little game to help me prepare and get through the situations but I’m now delighted to know there may be a scientific justification to my behavior. According to Amy Cuddy, spending 2 minutes holding a power pose can make a big difference on an outcome such as a job interview as it increases the right type of hormones for the situation (testosterone) and decreases the wrong one (cortisol). She had this hunch when she experienced public speaking fear. She has since completed research on the topic and the results actually support the ‘fake it till you make it’ saying. She is the lady who now has research rights to ‘ it’s not fake it till you make it, it’s fake it till you become it’. 

So today when you’re not busy I suggest you play the game below and aim for a 'She Can Oscar' nomination. 
Strike a confident pose right now
– Go on, pretend you’re Meryl in Devil Wears Prada or Julianna Margulies in the Good Wife.
- Shoulders back, chin slightly up, no slouching.

When you take your next steps walk with purpose
– Walk like Hilary Clinton or Condoleezza Rice (not Oscar winners, but you bet they think about their power posture), as you move from here to wherever you’re going next.
- Again no slouching, arms comfortable, good size strides, head up.

When you next sit down, own the space around you – Try Carly Fiorina or Christine Baranski (Diane Lockhart) from Good Wife.
- No bending over the table, sit back in seat, elbows on the arms of the chair.

If you’re ordering coffee or a drink
- Try Madonna or Sarah Jessica-Parker - deliberate and assertive.
- Order it in the style of your favorite power actress from telling them what you want, reaching in your purse, handing the money over, waiting for your coffee, through to walking away with coffee

Feel free to substitute in your own female (or male) power play heroes that inspire confidence. So what if you don’t have their clothes and their script you can still act the part. And remember; play the part for at least 2 minutes – will anyone notice? probably not but will they respond differently to you? Yes, they probably will.

Please let me know who your favorite go-to actress/leader role models are?

Want more on this topic then spend 21 minutes with Amy Cuddy, and her amazing Ted Talk.




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Excuse me, perhaps I shouldn’t be here? (but neither should you)

4/15/2013

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Let me list a few instances of where I nearly didn’t do something because I wasn’t good enough, or thought I should quit because I wasn’t good enough. 

- I nearly didn’t apply for the job at Microsoft because I didn’t have one of the suggested skills on the job description, but in the end did get a job offer and had a successful career that lasted more than 15 years. 
- I wanted to quit my position because I felt I wasn’t being supported and my opinion didn’t matter until my husband reminded me that I’d received a top rating only 2 weeks earlier. 
- I was convinced I was doing a bad job as a nanny when I did a poor job putting a band-aid on a cut and I was going to get fired, until the mother gave me a raise as she thought I was doing an amazing job with her girls.

You have no idea how many times I have imagined Julie Andrews swinging a guitar case, holding onto her hat and singing, ‘I have confidence in sunshine’ as I have entered situations at work, to confidently take a seat at the table and look ready and able to handle the situation when inside I’m quaking with fear of being asked questions I didn’t know the answers too, or didn’t possess imagination for a brainstorming session. Yes, well I’m in good company with the ‘C’ level women of technology. Ginni Rometty, Chairman and CEO of IBM, tells a story that earlier in her IBM career she had been asked by her boss to step up to a senior position with greater responsibility. She knew the job would require skills she didn’t have and so she told her boss what she lacked and said she’d think it over the option of the new position. In the evening she told her husband. He couldn’t believe her response and asked her, ‘Do you think that’s how a man would’ve answered the promotion?’ Needless to say the next day she took the job. 

Yes, I know you probably sympathize and have your own experiences of feeling like a faker or imposter. Now I want you to consider how many times you have been frustrated at work because you know you could do a better job than the person assigned the project, or presenting, or taking the job. You’ve experienced it so many times its not funny right? We are in so many meetings where a guy is presenting, or leading a meeting or announced in a promotion and we wonder how he got put in charge. Think about it though, if we’re not putting ourselves forward and a job needs doing, who is going to be selected? Probably not someone who suffers from imposter syndrome and is hiding their talents or waiting for explicit discovery – this is extra work for a manager to handle. 

So how can we bring the self-doubt perspective of the imposter syndrome together with the imposter-envy syndrome (where we see an imposter and want them gone or replaced)? Seriously – if we could remove the stress from doubting ourselves and being mad over less-qualified individuals getting into situations we know we can do we would be able to make strides forward. 

There are many different approaches to dealing with self-doubt and envy of imposters. Let’s start with a simple fact that needs to be shared. 

Men are likely to apply for a job with far fewer skills listed in a job description than a woman, who feels she must have most of them to apply for the job. 

How does this make you feel? Is he an imposter because he’s willing to apply before he has the skills or is she not suitable for the job because she hasn’t got the confidence to apply and willingness to learn on the job? A favorite coaching question of mine is, ‘What have you got to lose?’

 Sheryl Sandberg, CIO for Facebook, provides a simple example of the dual-imposter syndrome and what she did. She talks of lacking confidence in early meetings at Facebook when sitting around the table with the guys, then she realized that although she wasn’t 100% sure of the details, neither were the men at the table and that wasn’t stopping them from speaking up, which kicked her into action. 

So this week when you hear either the voice of self-doubt in your own skills or are shocked or frustrated to see yet another under-skilled or qualified person having a go at something that might be beyond their abilities your job is to push aside these emotions and get focused on what you want. You can do it, and to get opportunities to do it you’re going to have to let them know you’re up for it. Can you do that? Yes you can. 

So you pick your ‘She Can’ role model that will help you through self-doubt/frustration moments whether it is Sandberg, Rometty, or Julie Andrews, but if you hear me humming a tune as I enter a room you’ll know who I 
picked. 
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