Here’s a term that doesn’t show up very frequently in the standard leadership skills list but is proving to be a success predictor: Grittiness. 

I’m sure we all know someone who has succeeded at their chosen profession and yet when we knew them earlier in life we didn’t think they were the most skilled or talented person in the bunch. Apparently the personality trait called grit can sometimes triumph over the more familiar traits of talent, intelligence, and abilities. Angela Duckworth, associate professor at the University of Pennsylvania, defines Grit as ‘sticking with things over the very long term until you master them’. Your grit capability shows up when you experience a setback and rather than accept the result the world has dealt you, you persevere and inquire why that it occurred and how you can learn from the situation and try again. 

Researchers of grit are not sure how to teach grittiness or what makes some people have more of it. One hypothesis is that if an individual knows or recognizes that change is possible then that could be a predictor of the possession of grit – so individuals that don't dwell on the failure or think that they are stuck with the skills they have are likely to posess grit to help move them forward. 

Another insight on gritty individuals is that they have stamina for achieving over the long haul knowing the time frame for success is probably a marathon and not a quick sprint to a new skill or way of life. 

How can we translate this understanding of grit to our work situations? When you're experiencing a setback and you’re on the brink to blame the world around you, or assume it’s your limitations that have kept you 
from moving forward – think again, this is a moment to test your grittiness. For every negative statement your brain is telling you think of an optimistic learning question that can challenge you to learn and move forwards. Change is possible; we are all capable of learning and trying out what we learn, to follow up with a new situation and a new learning opportunity. 

If you find yourself setback in someway and catch yourself thinking any of the blue statements below, try asking the question instead and finding one small action that edges you in the optimistic learning direction – a marathon is run one step at a time. 

I don’t have all the skills – what do I need to learn?
I didn’t do so well today – why was that and what do I need to differently?
I don’t know anyone – who is one person I could introduce myself to?
I don’t speak up – who can I speak with to let them know what I’m thinking?
I can’t risk it – what’s the worst that could happen if I did risk it? 
I’m not liked – how can I get objective feedback on my performance? 
I can’t sell my idea – what other ways can I climb this mountain? 
I am behind – what can I drop, delegate, or focus on to catch up and move ahead?

Want to be more inspired on the subject of Grit? Then check out Angela Duckworth’s TED talk: Talk

If I had to rate the various skills I have what would I consider the most important excluding domain knowledge. I think one skill that would come close to the top is being character acting. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I have sat in my office awaiting a tough meeting thinking how would Meryl do this. Now truth is I don’t know if it ever made a difference in how others saw me, but it did make a difference in how I entered various work situations, from giving presentations to interviewing to dealing with difficult negotiations. So yes, Meryl is my go to role-model for when I’m figuring out how to get through a tough situation. I thought it was my little game to help me prepare and get through the situations but I’m now delighted to know there may be a scientific justification to my behavior. According to Amy Cuddy, spending 2 minutes holding a power pose can make a big difference on an outcome such as a job interview as it increases the right type of hormones for the situation (testosterone) and decreases the wrong one (cortisol). She had this hunch when she experienced public speaking fear. She has since completed research on the topic and the results actually support the ‘fake it till you make it’ saying. She is the lady who now has research rights to ‘ it’s not fake it till you make it, it’s fake it till you become it’. 

So today when you’re not busy I suggest you play the game below and aim for a 'She Can Oscar' nomination. 

Often we get so busy with the details of doing a fantastic job on a particular work assignment we forget to step back and see the business landscape. It’s so much easier to work diligently on what we’ve been assigned where we feel comfortable with structure, boundaries, known deliverables, and agreed upon approach to get the work done. However leaders and influential decision-makers around us are constantly putting together the business picture of today and the future. They operate in both places simultaneously. To take your area of expertise (you do have one, that’s why you were hired) and blend it with a business understanding can increase your value significantly but only when you share your views. 

I think we should all understand something about the future strategy of the business we’re in but I’ve also had the experience of wanting to figure it out but overwhelmed by how much I could know, and not ever knowing enough to be able to talk knowledgably on the topic. What I realized as I worked in different businesses however was I didn’t need to know everything on the business strategy but enough to use a test and learn approach to trying out  what I did know. You can increase your value to the company by taking a few steps to provide your perspective on the landscape – don’t consider it a project but just part of daily habits. 

You don’t need an MBA to have a position on the business strategy nor the competition, but what you do need is to have is curiosity to stay informed, and courage to test your positions. The second step is vital
because without testing your positions with others no action can be taken with them and no one will ever give you credit for knowing things.  

Here are a few steps that you should consider in shaping the landscape.

Do you have the confidence to assert a position on the business strategy with key influential in your world? 
Women will sit on their business opinions because they lack confidence in having all the information before creating a formal perspective. Business moves fast. You should always have a position on where the business is going even if you’re the new kid on the project. If you’re part of a big company don’t just stay focused on your area make sure you you’re glancing at related areas – big companies have lots of information sources, pick one or two and make sure you glance at them daily. External web sources are also useful and often provide summaries weekly on companies. 

If you learn something that is interesting but you don’t know what it means then ask others for their thoughts on it, or if they know more. Once you start piecing together a perspective, you don’t have to make a big deal positioning your ideas with others but you should practice verbalizing them with people you work with. Something like: 
“From what I’ve heard so far sounds like if we keep doing X, Y could happen because of A and B. What do you think of that?”
 Listen to what others say in response. You can adjust your position as you go. That’s what everyone is doing – test, learn, adjust, test, learn adjust. As you get more confident in the position you can try it with more
influential people.  

Are you confident enough to assert a position on the direction of the competition? 
It’s quite amazing how often we don’t take the time to understand the competition to our business because it’s someone else’s job. It’s pretty easy these days to pay attention get intelligence on the competition by using alerts or news updates. Take the time to be interested in the companies. Be someone who can inform your colleagues on what competitors are up to, and again try your understanding of the competition with your co-workers or boss. 

Do you have confidence for a spontaneous voice?
I bet in meetings today you may be sitting on your point of view as you want just a bit more information to solidify your view, or you know someone will say what you’re thinking soon. Sound familiar? Even without the preparation you should blurt it out – as you have as much insight and knowledge as majority of people in the room may be more (just guessing, but I think it’s true). However if you’ve been practicing speaking about a business strategy and understand the competition you’re going to be in a better position to go ahead and blurt out your idea. 

It takes confidence and courage to make statements about business strategy, and the way to build those is to practice, and practice and practice. You can do it, and believe me, to do it well you don’t need an MBA.

How many fears do we have to overcome to be seen? We have to show up, be visible, interrupt, toot our own horn, ask for responsibilities,and negotiate. If life resembled our dreams of how work-life could be it would probably go something like this… 
 
Our talents are recognized in the organization, so much so, that in a meeting somewhere among the executives they remember how marvelous we are and invite us to the next meeting to hear our opinions. The meeting is scheduled at a vacant time slot on our calendars later in the week. We arrive at the meeting a few minutes early to which a few people are already present and welcome us into the room with smiles, offer to get us a coffee (okay that’s a real dream), ask about how our project is going and have we progressed against an earlier challenge for which they had provided some thoughtful advice. We take a comfortable empty seat at the table, are able to contribute to some of the small talk about the latest strategies for the business as we were cc’d on an earlier mail thread. The meeting starts by the director in the room providing a brief overview of the topic to be discussed and then we all have an opportunity to contribute our thoughts and ideas, and ask inquiring questions in a friendly supportive manner. The execs decide they’d like me to to own the project, and offer support with their people and resources to get it done, and to not hesitate to call them if we have a question. 
 
Oh, dream on! Like that’s going to happen. Though don’t forget the dream as when you are a successful
leader you can work to encourage your organization to provide a supportive environment like this, but in the meantime here are the potential challenges you’re going to face and some suggestions for how to handle
them.

Can you negotiate the meeting time? 
How many times have you had something else planned and someone schedules a meeting over your time, or puts it in late or too early in the day? Now think how many times did you ask if it was possible to change the meeting time? Negotiation is something women don’t do well, and this task is a negotiation.  It’s always worth asking if there’s another potential time slot. While you can ask the execs when they might be free, its also useful to work with administrators to get times moved around. 
 
Do you have the right information to be prepared for the meeting? 
May be its okay not to prepare because you know it all, though this isn't generally known to be a female position, however pro-actively asking if there’s anything you should be familiar with or take a look at ahead of time can be helpful. Perhaps there are some mail threads or presentations they’re going to assume you’ve seen that you should see ahead of time - ask for this information ahead of time.

Do you enter the room with the attitude of belonging there? 
This may sound like an unimportant behavior but it can make a difference and is within your control. When you go to the meeting, walk in with confidence and be ready to engage. There are some actors who say they create their characters from the floor up – they put on the right shoes and figure out how a character would walk and take it from there. So how would a confident trust worthy leader enter a room? Don’t hesitate on the way in or laden yourself down with bags, or laptops. Walk confidently into the room like you belong there –because you DO belong there. 

Are you ready for the ‘How’s it going?’question? 
While we’d love to think our managers know how to talk to us and show an interest in our work, it doesn’t always happen and they'll often throw us the ‘how’s it going?’ bone question. We should always be prepared to answer that question. You can have responses that range from your thoughts on the company strategy, asking them for their perspective on future based on something you’ve considered, or update on your project. The key is to provide a response that will encourage them to ask another question, or allow you to ask questions about the business. Stop right now - if an senior exec asked you, 'How's it going?' what would you say? Get something prepared now, and be prepared to use it.
 
Do you take a seat at the table?
If there is a seat at the table, take it and be near where the action is happening. If you don’t it will limit your ability to participate in the conversation – women have enough challenges in getting heard in meetings so if you choose to sit away from the action you’re going to make it harder for you to participate. These are the ways we can painfully hold ourselves back on a daily basis. 

Do you speak clearly and directly? 
Many women tone down their language to be inclusive, non-judgmental and offer up opinions in the forms of
questions and litter dialog with qualifiers. "I was thinking may be, perhaps we should go forward with the plan Tom was suggesting if we think it's a good idea? unless others have other ideas?" We need to work on speaking in direct sentences and communicating what we mean, and getting it right first time. It takes practice. 
 
Can you handle interruptions and re-track derailments? 
There’s always someone in the room who wants to share their opinion, shoot holes in your opinion, or decides any time is an opportunity to show how clever they are. Women are frequently talked over, or when they speak up are not heard, ignored or not responded to, only to have a man say the same thing a minute later and have others engage in dialog. Some techniques for managing this were given in a previous article. It’s important to have a strategy or plan for how to manage it when it happens. Don't be afraid of trying different approaches.
For ideas: You can't be heard if you're not making a noise

Will you step up and take on the new project?
If you want to take on the new project then ask for it, if they ask you say ‘Yes!’ You are not to make suggestions of other people who could do it, or maybe you could do some of it, or you need to review other work items before saying yes. If this is an interesting project that is something you want to do and have career progress potential then seize the day. Women are their own worst enemies in not saying yes to opportunities because they want to be certain they’re good enough, doubt themselves and think someone is better, or don’t want to appear eager. Take a risk, have confidence – DO IT!
For example: Hear Ginny Romerty experience doubting herself, and she's now President and CEO of IBM!

Do you know how to ask for support to get the work done? 
Once you have the opportunity to lead the project, we’re not done yet in terms of overcoming challenges. Just because you’ve said yes to the work, doesn’t mean you can’t ask for support to get the work done – do you need people, budget, equipment? What will it take to get the project complete? Start setting the expectations that an ask will be made soon once you’ve thought through the work. Again this is negotiation, women don’t do this well, so if it feels uncomfortable you’re not alone – ask and worst that will happen will be ‘no’. 

Have you identified someone who could give you occasional pointers? 
If this is a project that you’d benefit from strategizing with someone, ask for help, someone to bounce ideas off. It could be a formal arrangement, or you could informally ask someone to give you some pointers. You don’t have to go it alone and have all the right answers –this is when you strategically move to finding and using mentors, and perhaps even the person who gave you the opportunity could spare a few minutes. 
For ideas: Getting what you need - a valuable lesson in using contacts 
 
Will something need to be prioritized to give you time for this?
Cool you’ve landed a new project but what happens to your already full plate? Think of ways to prioritize, delegate, or lower the expectations on the delivery. The last two options here are again ones women struggle with but are essential strategies to use in order to move ahead. You are not letting people done in using any of
these techniques you’re making trade-offs to give the business what it needs AND you’re helping the business take advantage of your talents in new and progressive ways. 
 
It’s no wonder when reviewing this list that our dreams of engaging in a meeting can sometimes turn into a stressful nightmare. However, I hope you realize that every one of the steps above is yours to practice and improve – you have the power to master these skills that can make a difference in how you’re perceived and the opportunities that come your way. So now you’ve been provided with the anatomy of a meeting and where gender comes into play you can roll up your sleeves and start to make progress by picking ONE of these areas to work at. A career is not a sprint but a marathon so you have time to master skills as you move forward. We’ll keep providing ideas on how to master these skills here in future posts.

This is not a post about whether I agree with evaluation or appraisal cycles used at many large companies but this is a post about how to make your boss’s life easy during the performance evaluation process in order to benefit you. Sometimes people forget that your boss is your advocate in the review meetings and you can help your boss by making it easy for her to talk up on your behalf. At some point your boss will be in a meeting with her peers and they will be discussing employee performance and assigning rewards. Of course your boss should know what you’ve been up to, but often they’re responsible for several employees, not to mention they have their own business responsibilities, so how about you make it easy for them to remember you? 

Having been a manager and responsible for review models and merging my employee's review scores with other managers I know some of the challenges encountered. In these meetings I knew I would need to defend reward decisions I had made. Some would be easy, some moderate, and some hard. As a manager of managers I didn’t always have direct knowledge of the work every employee did so I would try to make sure I was briefed on accomplishments, especially on areas we thought might be controversial or I had less familiarity with. The meetings would be long, tension would be high by the end, disagreements would come up, and I’d have to negotiate for my team's rewards. Over the years I managed some individuals that were exceptionally good at making my life easy – these were individuals that kept me informed of their accomplishments in a simple succinct way which meant I always knew what I was going to say about them (because they had told me what to say). In this post I’m going to offer you some suggestions that will help you make your boss’s life easy and consequently your life better.

Generally employees are asked to create a set of goals at the beginning of the review period, and to make them measurable and trackable. Human resources usually provide a bunch of tools to do this and a schedule for when to have check-ins and an outline for the conversation. I’m over simplifying by saying there are two types of goals – explicit hard target focused goals (like revenues, customers acquired, business generated) and these are often reviewed against the calendar, and very likely your boss is responsible for the roll-up of the numbers. Then there are goals that are squishier in nature even though you’re told to apply the SMART framework to them (SMART - specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely). These are often not explicitly driven by the calendar or a hard number but are more-free flowing and can be debated as to whether they've been truly achieved.

Frequently employees and their bosses are too busy to follow the formal steps and often it’s a frustrating mad dash towards the end of the review year to find out how people have performed against their goals. 

The more you can do to make it easy for your boss to remember what you’ve done and how well you’ve done it the better. Your boss has to represent several people in review meetings so make sure she remembers what you’ve accomplished.

1. Feed your boss sound bites throughout the year
Your boss is a busy person and is constantly juggling work items and people. Your job is to make sure that if someone stopped her and asked about what you did or how you were doing that she is prepared to answer the question. Trust me, she will always say something in response to the question but whether it’s in alignment with what you think is not guaranteed. You are responsible for crafting the elevator pitch that your boss can deliver about what you’re doing and how it’s going. Think of it like a mini-ad campaign– have a few expressions related to your work that you use whenever talking about your work to set context and 2-3 bullets on where you’re at, and expected results. Use the same expressions and format when sending status updates. 

2. Make sure a few peers of your managers know what you do (throughout the year)
When management review meetings happen, you can make your boss’s life easier by making sure some of her peers know who you are and what you’ve accomplished. This is critical if you work on something a little obscure or not visible to the bigger team. It doesn’t have to be all her peers but those that you feel comfortable in updating or those that might be interested in what you’re working on or have input for you. When your boss is defending your accomplishments it helps no end to have another one or two people in the room who understand what you’ve been up to. 

3. Pre-drafting of accomplishments (6-7 months before your review)
It is really never too early to complete this task as its strategic planning for your benefit. Take a look at the goals you created at the beginning of the period and think about what is reasonable to accomplish and when. When goals are written at the beginning of a review period we often have lofty visions of what we’d like to do and then as the year heads off we get busy with the real stuff. About 6-7 months before the formal review discussions happen it’s good to take a look at your goals and start to draft some bullet points that you’re planning to say about each goal at the end of the review period – anticipate your accomplishments and see what you think of them. It’s a good reality check and it will help you with crafting your sound bites for your boss – you’re working on creating a consistent positive message about what you’re doing.

4. Revising your schedule on when to deliver on your goals (6-7 months before your review)
Exactly when are you going to deliver on your goals? It’s easy to think of the review period as a 12 month cycle but it’s not really. Often goals get signed-off on after the 12 month period has started and then the evaluation will start ahead of the 12 months being up (again, this is most relevant to individuals who work in areas that aren’t tied to real number goals attached to calendar dates). With a little bit of extra thought it’s worth figuring out what you can complete 8-12 weeks ahead of the official review end-of-year write up. Why so soon? If you deliver results several weeks ahead of the end of the review period it allows you to make sure the right people hear about the results, see the impact, or provide input for the future of the work. Many times I’ve seen people plan to deliver on projects a week or two before the end of the review cycle and although they technically have delivered on the work the visible exposure of the project doesn’t allow full recognition of the project (for example if your boss’s boss suggests sharing the results with her leadership team there's no time time to do it). So if you’ve got some projects (like whitepapers, or presentations) that you have control of when they are delivered make sure to get them delivered early to allow maximum visibility. How does this help your boss? If her peers are familiar with the project, results, etc. it means she can spend time embellishing your achievements rather than talking just about what the project is and aspirations for how the project will close out over the next months. 

And while you may be thinking this feels like smarmy self-promotion it’s not, it’s positioning the great work you’ve done in the best possible light for others to see what you’ve achieved. Remember this post is about making your boss’s life easy to discuss you in the review meetings. 

5. Mini-review with boss (8 weeks ahead of review)
8 weeks ahead of the formal review process is a good time to reinforce your message and make sure your boss can speak on your behalf. Some suggestions:
Email your boss a short bullet list of accomplishments – use consistent phrases, and simple statements about contribution to the business or challenges. These have got to be simple. Include a few names of people who will vouch for work. Overall make sure your boss will be able to remember the content without reading it (or at least a quick glance is all that’s needed)
Have a 1:1 with your boss and talk her through the list. It’s not a heavy weight discussion, but quick reminder of what has been accomplished through the year – we bosses have a hard time remembering what got accomplished at the beginning of review cycles 10 months earlier.

6. Final reminder (2-4 weeks ahead of review)
Down to the wire, you should be reinforcing what your boss knows about you and any last minute accomplishments. Use the same mini-review mail you used a few weeks earlier with your boss, and highlight any updates. Keep the subject line findable so she can easily get to it when preparing for review meetings. 
If you’ve taken action on any feedback from your boss’s peers then now is a good time to let them know you did or what the outcome or next steps are so that they’re reminded of what you’ve been up to. 

7. Anything else you need? (1-2 weeks ahead)
Final step is to proactively ask if your boss needs anything else for the meeting. It never hurts to offer this. 

That’s it! There is nothing worse than realizing after the management review meetings happened that your boss forgot some of your accomplishments or misunderstood your achievements. Taking these few actions will make your boss’s life easier AND make sure you’re seen in the best light possible during review season take a few of these steps. 

Working hard and producing great results provides value to the company but unless you have an amazing manager it probably isn’t going to get you the career results you deserve. The trick in the workplace is it’s not just the final deliverable you need to care about but how others, such as senior managers see you get to the final deliverable. You need to be aware that your target customer (management) has limited bandwidth to pay attention to how you’re getting work done as they’re busy getting results and juggling the next set of problems, however the more they become aware of your skills and talents the easier it becomes for you to come to mind when new projects and opportunities are being assigned.

So how do you expose them to the skills you used to get the results they’re impressed with without boring them with the details. Tricky?

Exposing management to how you get to a result helps in you not getting pigeon-holed into one type of project or deliverable. If I see you produce a customer report, I know you can do it, so I may give you another one, but if I’ve had some exposure to what skills it took to get the customer report, and I have a project that requires dealing with complex scheduling and tricky people you may be a candidate for that project if I know your skill set.

As you’re working on the project take the time to explicitly list some of the challenges you’re facing in the project and the talents that you’re using such as:

- Skills to make it happen and getting favors/input from others

- Ability to make trade-offs and handle change

- Knowledge of the business and finding answers

- Ability to juggle priorities

Now if you were a product these would be all the cool features the product would have. However we know management isn’t going to want to hear a feature list. So your goal isn’t to explicitly list these things but to reference them in context. Your task is to look at the list you’ve created and come up with lead in sentences when discussing your project that highlight the talent or challenge but doesn’t get in the way of the business point.

- “We were going to go with person X, but when I heard about the new feature set we went with person Y”

- “We needed someone who had triple horn server experience to validate the approach. Frank was out so I had Joe review it from Team X”

- “We could have gone with X but considering schedule and compatibility with the chip now wasn’t the time so that’s why I went with Y”

This may feel awkward while you’re preparing it. But guess what? Going through the exercise figuring out what skills you’ve used and challenges faced, and actively turning them into statements like this raises your awareness of what needs to be communicated.

When you have time with your boss you should let him know how your talents were leveraged to achieve the project in more detail.

The bottom-line – if you hide what it took to produce results, they might not learn to associate you with certain skills and talents you have. They may learn over time, but that’s if you choose to believe the business world will reward you for hard work and output – and I would love that to be true but appropriate personal marketing can definitely help get the results you deserve sooner.


 

Let me list a few instances of where I nearly didn’t do something because I wasn’t good enough, or thought I should quit because I wasn’t good enough. 

- I nearly didn’t apply for the job at Microsoft because I didn’t have one of the suggested skills on the job description, but in the end did get a job offer and had a successful career that lasted more than 15 years. 
- I wanted to quit my position because I felt I wasn’t being supported and my opinion didn’t matter until my husband reminded me that I’d received a top rating only 2 weeks earlier. 
- I was convinced I was doing a bad job as a nanny when I did a poor job putting a band-aid on a cut and I was going to get fired, until the mother gave me a raise as she thought I was doing an amazing job with her girls.

You have no idea how many times I have imagined Julie Andrews swinging a guitar case, holding onto her hat and singing, ‘I have confidence in sunshine’ as I have entered situations at work, to confidently take a seat at the table and look ready and able to handle the situation when inside I’m quaking with fear of being asked questions I didn’t know the answers too, or didn’t possess imagination for a brainstorming session. Yes, well I’m in good company with the ‘C’ level women of technology. Ginni Rometty, Chairman and CEO of IBM, tells a story that earlier in her IBM career she had been asked by her boss to step up to a senior position with greater responsibility. She knew the job would require skills she didn’t have and so she told her boss what she lacked and said she’d think it over the option of the new position. In the evening she told her husband. He couldn’t believe her response and asked her, ‘Do you think that’s how a man would’ve answered the promotion?’ Needless to say the next day she took the job. 

Yes, I know you probably sympathize and have your own experiences of feeling like a faker or imposter. Now I want you to consider how many times you have been frustrated at work because you know you could do a better job than the person assigned the project, or presenting, or taking the job. You’ve experienced it so many times its not funny right? We are in so many meetings where a guy is presenting, or leading a meeting or announced in a promotion and we wonder how he got put in charge. Think about it though, if we’re not putting ourselves forward and a job needs doing, who is going to be selected? Probably not someone who suffers from imposter syndrome and is hiding their talents or waiting for explicit discovery – this is extra work for a manager to handle. 

So how can we bring the self-doubt perspective of the imposter syndrome together with the imposter-envy syndrome (where we see an imposter and want them gone or replaced)? Seriously – if we could remove the stress from doubting ourselves and being mad over less-qualified individuals getting into situations we know we can do we would be able to make strides forward. 

There are many different approaches to dealing with self-doubt and envy of imposters. Let’s start with a simple fact that needs to be shared. 

Men are likely to apply for a job with far fewer skills listed in a job description than a woman, who feels she must have most of them to apply for the job. 

How does this make you feel? Is he an imposter because he’s willing to apply before he has the skills or is she not suitable for the job because she hasn’t got the confidence to apply and willingness to learn on the job? A favorite coaching question of mine is, ‘What have you got to lose?’

 Sheryl Sandberg, CIO for Facebook, provides a simple example of the dual-imposter syndrome and what she did. She talks of lacking confidence in early meetings at Facebook when sitting around the table with the guys, then she realized that although she wasn’t 100% sure of the details, neither were the men at the table and that wasn’t stopping them from speaking up, which kicked her into action. 

So this week when you hear either the voice of self-doubt in your own skills or are shocked or frustrated to see yet another under-skilled or qualified person having a go at something that might be beyond their abilities your job is to push aside these emotions and get focused on what you want. You can do it, and to get opportunities to do it you’re going to have to let them know you’re up for it. Can you do that? Yes you can. 

So you pick your ‘She Can’ role model that will help you through self-doubt/frustration moments whether it is Sandberg, Rometty, or Julie Andrews, but if you hear me humming a tune as I enter a room you’ll know who I 
picked. 

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make every woman’s voice be heard at equal volume to a man’s and that the ears listening (both male and female) heard the content with a balanced perspective and without applying a gender filter. Unfortunately I can’t do this. What I can do though is provide insight on why women experience challenges in being heard, and what we can do to increase the amplitude of our voices. I can also provide insight to the listeners on the filters they unknownly apply and the impact it can have on their businesses.

First – what’s up with us not having the courage to speak up and tell people our point of view? We don’t imagine the challenges we experience, they exist, but rather than give into to the challenges we have control over how we put our best-self forward and use our personal power and presence to move the dial in being heard more often. 
 
Imagine if at the end of the day you knew you had always contributed what you thought valuable to the business and it was heard? I wonder what percent we hold back on non-communication each day – 10%? perhaps more. It’s too much whatever it is.  
 
Do these fears resonate with you when you're in a mostly male group at work? 
- Fear of being wrong or making a mistake         
- Fear of not quite having all the facts for an opinion 
- Fear of idea being rejected
- Fear of being ignored when speaking
- Fear of thinking you’re only one who doesn’t understand something
- Fear of not following polite rules of conversational engagement and waiting for opportunity to contribute 
- Fear of being identified as a woman and not ‘one of the guys’

We so want to be certain before we speak that we can be preparing our statements in our heads before saying them – but look at the check list of fears that we have to conquer before our input is received by the group.
 
So what can we do? There is not a single answer to get us heard but there are lots of strategies we can use, especially once we start to identify what is holding us back. Here are some of my thoughts on strategies to overcome some of the fears.

First we need to get use to the idea that our idea may be rejected, hijacked by someone else, or we may be ignored, this obviously isn’t the outcome we want but simply starting to voice our perspective is a starting point. Those things can’t happened to us until we voiced something in the meeting.
Action: Don’t leave any meetings this week with your inside voice wishing it had been heard. Blurt it out and be proud of saying it out loud even if you’re ignored, idea rejected or hijacked – we’ve all got to start somewhere.

If the idea is rejected for some reason, we mustn't take it personally, its business. Lots of ideas are put forth and shot down until something resonates in the meeting. I’m not going to say that the ideas accepted are the right ones from a diversity inclusion perspective but the notion of ideas generated and lots shot-down is a skill we need to learn to experience and is not is not a response to us personally but a business response. 
Action: Experience idea rejection as part of the business process and not personal rejection. In fact
raise the number of ideas you get rejected – it’s got to go up to get more ideas to land successfully.
 
Sometimes we get hung up on having all the facts before offering an opinion so we need to develop some phrases ahead of time that can help us couch our opinion so we're comfortable. Seriously, people in meetings are always full of making ‘factual’ statements on little information, one hopes when the rubber hits the road on the idea that due diligence is done but in many meetings getting ideas out for the debate is the critical thing to do. 
Action: Consider offering statements like, “I have a hunch x and y will lead to outcome x”or “My gut says x and y will lead to outcome x” or “From what I know at this point, I think x and y will lead to x”

It happens all the time, a woman speaks in a meeting, there is a moment of silence, and then the conversation moves on like she never existed. We need to be prepared for it– I’ve it happens more commonly when I’m offering an idea that is from a different perspective (not necessarily a gender based view) or alternative solution that the room hasn’t yet considered. What I’ve found works is in that split second when I think, ‘Ah crap, I’m getting the silent ignore’ is to quickly add “What do you think of the idea – Josh?” that then put’s at least one person on the spot to answer and acknowledge the contribution. 
Action: Be prepared for the silence after you speak, and put someone on the spot to respond to what you’ve said.

Now the challenge is how to find the opening to speak in a rapid debate? This can be a nightmare – like being a foreigner from a rural area trying to figure out how to hail a cab in New York City. It can seem like there is an  opportunity coming as you listen to the conversation but just as it slows to when it’s appropriate to interject someone swoops in and takes the conversation over and marches it forward not realizing it was your turn. To use another analogy, I have found even in fast two people conversations at work that it feels like I’m running a relay where the first person runs alongside the second runner so they have speed before the baton is handed over. Exhausting yes, but the other first speaker will hand over the conversation if they see that you’re up to speed and are ready to contribute. Now once you have the baton you have some control of the pace. 
People don’t like to be seen as being rude, so while offering up an idea in a cacophony of noise hoping someone will respond, I have found attaching someone’s name to my request my offering is harder to ignore. 
Action: Use names to get a direct response and make someone accountable for responding to you.“John, I have an idea… John?” 

I have been many meetings where something is being discussed I don’t understand and waited until the meeting is over before finding out what it was. However later in my career I learned it was okay to ask for clarity on terms, definitions, etc. I like to tell myself I'm in the room because of the expertise I have, not because I know the same as everyone else. And I can't tell you how many meetings I've been in when I've asked for someone to clarify what they mean by a particular term, to find out that either others didn't understand or others had been using a different definition of the word.
Action: “Can you clarify what you mean by X?” or “I’m not familiar with X, are there others here who
aren’t familiar? Or I can follow up later on it” 
 
Okay – so now you have some action items for the week. Please speak up and share your ideas, thoughts and insights - without speaking out in meetings you are not going to be heard – it’s vital for you and your career and it’s vital for the business you work for.

What I haven’t covered today is the Fear of being seen as a woman, as something that holds us back in speaking up with a female  perspective. Businesses need to increase their awareness of realizing this is happening because leveraging diversity of opinion is how products and services will develop their competitive advantage in the future. Watch for a future post specifically on how to encourage businesses to listen to valuable diverse opinions of women, and how we need to increase our confidence of the value this perspective offers to the business and to fulfilling what we know we can contribute.